I am an anxious traveler. In fact, I could be this woman, straining to see the train coming down the track. I look and pace. I check my watch and check the minutes on the “next train is coming” sign. Why do you think they HAVE those signs? … They’re for people like me!
I would like to be the paper-reading, iPad-toting wait-er, but I’m not. In fact those people make me angry. How can they wait so patiently at a time like this? And secretly I wonder why can’t I be more like them? The ones who take life in stride, just as it comes, one routine step after another?
Why am I anxious? Because I have somewhere to be! People are expecting me, waiting for me. They won’t hold the next train. If I miss my connection, I’ll be late again, or I’ll miss my opportunity or… all this stirs inside my head as I wait, anxiously.
How do I know this is the reason for my anxious waiting? Because, I don’t wait like this when I am heading home. I know that train is coming, in due time. I can wait. It will be here. No, the train I am anxious about is “my train, coming in.”
Oh, I have tried to be more adult about this. Tried to trick myself into waiting patiently. I have even tried to practice the non-nervous waiting look where I pull out my book or my phone and pretend I am one of them. But it doesn’t help. I can’t pull it off. Because being still and waiting doesn’t fool anyone. Least of all me.
This brings to mind Martha and Mary, of Biblical fame. You know the story…
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)
Was Jesus was really asking Martha to be more like Mary? I mean, if I were Martha, seeing Mary sitting at the Lord’s feet “as Mary has chosen” would not help me. I would never be able to tamp down my growing anxiety about the preparations that were needed. If I forced myself to be obedient at the Lord’s feet, I wouldn’t be listening, I’d be fidgeting and worrying about all I should be doing but wasn’t. And truth be told, I might just get a bit miffed at Jesus for making me sit there.
Thank goodness, the Lord knows me — knows what makes me anxious and what calms me. I expect that what the Lord truly wants is for me to focus on the one thing that needs doing and to do it. I fully expect, well, I wouldn’t be surprised, that in the midst of faithful doing like faithful being, the Lord will show Himself.
Perhaps the Lord may just be showing me, showing us, that our life’s whole journey is just one big trip on the home bound train. No one is ever anxious waiting for that.